Top 10 Barack Obama smears you might not have heard before

The Obama campaign has established a web site that attempts to address the smears and urban myths surrounding his upbringing and candidacy. The following list of lesser-known rumors may yet cause Obama's campaign some anguish and hand-wringing.

SMEAR #10. Barack Obama spelled backwards in Urdu yields the phrase "Janet Reno."
TRUTH: It spells "Party Time".

SMEAR #9. At a child's birthday party, Obama beat Barney senseless with a two-by-four and a chain.
TRUTH: Barney had asked Obama to stop smoking at which point the candidate gently escorted the dinosaur out of the room. Any injuries Barney may have sustained were due solely to "falling down the stairs."

SMEAR #8. While growing up in Indonesia, Obama studied to be a professional snakehandler.
TRUTH: Obama studied witchcraft.

SMEAR #7. In 1993, he and spiritual adviser Father Pfleger saw God after doing shots of Windex.
TRUTH: Neither he or Father Pfleger saw God after drinking Windex.

SMEAR #6. Obama killed a man in Reno "just to watch him die."
TRUTH: It was just a hitchhiker who jumped in front of Obama's SUV while he was driving on the berm. And it was in Toledo, not Reno.

SMEAR #5. Obama cheated William Ayers out of $25,000 during a game of Yahtzee.
TRUTH: It was only $5,000 and the game was "Connect:Four".

SMEAR #4. When asked for a campaign donation by Obama, the Dalai Lama responded that he could not contribute money, but "when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."
TRUTH: Obama has never met the Dalai Lama, but once met Richard Gere during a fundraiser for destitute gigolos.

SMEAR #3. Jeremiah Wright, the candidate's controversial pastor, once belonged to The David Duke Book Club.
TRUTH: Wright's check to the club bounced, and therefore he was never a member.

SMEAR #2. Barack Obama still believes in Eliot Spitzer's innocence.
TRUTH: Obama simply does not believe engaging a prostitute is cheating so long as "you don't look her in the eye."

SMEAR #1. If elected President, Obama promised his supporters he will add Che Guevera to Mount Rushmore.
TRUTH: Obama will add Lenin.

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